by Bobbie Christmas
Q: I am a statistician. Much of the software I work on is related to communications and statistics. Your comment that 70 percent of novels should be dialogue intrigued me. This figure seemed like a lot of dialogue.
I took a random sample of pages from books by three authors, Patricia Cornwell, Jonathan Kellerman, and Clive Cussler. As a measure, I used the number of lines on the page that were part of dialogue. A more accurate measure would be to count the number of words, but this measure should favor dialogue, because a one-word comment, “Yes,” would count the same as a full line of non-dialogue.
The results ranged from 43 to 59 percent, with a mean of 51 percent dialogue.
Thought this might interest you.
A: You picked some popular current authors and undertook an interesting study. Thank you for your time, talents, and observation.
I didn’t pick the 70-percent figure out of thin air, though. It was an answer agreed upon by a group of agents, publishers, and editors on a panel at a writers conference where I too sat on the panel. Maybe the information is idealistic, but in general publishers want more dialogue than narrative. Dialogue shows, whereas narrative often tells, and contemporary writing must show more than tell.
Which figure is right? The answer is not an absolute. Writers who strive for the 70-percent figure can’t go wrong, even if their novels don’t quite reach that mark. Less than half dialogue, and the writing might be considered literary, and it may not appeal to contemporary readers.
Q: I’m in the process of removing words like “then,” “just,” and “was” from my writing when they’re unnecessary (I’m always horrified by how many “thens” I can remove—usually all of them). What about dialogue, though? In real-life speech, people use a lot of redundancy and speak in wordy sentences. Should we include those things in dialogue or remove them? Does it sound more natural to keep them, or does it look like sloppy writing?
A: Although I do recommend that narrative be attacked for wordiness, dialogue calls for a different approach. When people speak they often use extra words and even make errors in grammar and word choice. For example, in narrative we’d never write something like this: Me and John went to the store. Smart writers know the correct sentence would be this: John and I went to the store. In dialogue, however, someone with less education might indeed say, “Me and John went to the store.” Our job as a writer is to make dialogue sound natural, but if something can be deleted and the dialogue still sounds natural, delete it.
Q. Bobbie, I have been twirled around like a vessel in a tumultuous sea, listening to critiques and suggestions from friends, writers, and editors. On the advice of a writer, I recently revised a chapter in my novel, eliminating the repetitive use of a personal pronoun (she) at the beginning of several sentences. My revision overuses the “ing” form that changes active verbs into inactive gerunds, though. You have recommended that writers avoid “ing” words where possible.
Can you recommend how to avoid the “ing” word without starting each sentence with a noun or pronoun?
A: I’m reminded of a great thing artist Edgar Degas said, that painting is easy to those who don’t know how, but difficult for those who do. Writing is the same way. Whenever we learn a little more about creative style and strong writing, it affects everything we write or revise and can create new challenges.
How can you avoid “ing” words without starting with nouns or pronouns? Look for many ways. Change the structure of sentences so that no more than three are similar per page. You might start one sentence with an “ing” word, then start another with a pronoun, and then another some other way. Dialogue, however, offers the best of all options.
Let me create a sample paragraph and show potential rewrites.
Smiling all the way to the door, John exited the party. Knowing he had fooled almost everyone there, he felt confident that only Sam knew that Mary had left him because of the late hours he worked. Having to make up for Mary’s absence, John was stopping by a supermarket on his way home.
Possible rewrite that shows more than it tells while it also avoids starting sentences with similar words.
John left the party with a smile on his face. After he glanced back at the room full of mirth, he felt confident no one but Sam knew Mary had left him the day before because of the late hours he worked. Rather than face a bare refrigerator, John stopped by the supermarket on his way home.
Dialogue, however, offers the best rewrite, because it always shows, rather than tells. Look at this rewrite of the same earlier paragraph:
Sam slapped John on the back. “How’s Mary? How are the kids?” He raised his drink to his lips.
“Uh, fine, just fine, really.”
“Why aren’t they here tonight? It’s the biggest neighborhood party since New Year’s.”
“I know, it’s just that . . . well, Mary . . . uh . . .”
“Did she finally leave you? It’s those late hours you’re always working, isn’t it?
His gaze fixed on his car keys, John said, “Keep your voice down, will you? I haven’t told a soul, and I’d rather keep it that way.”
“Sure, sure. I feel for you, though. When Liz left, I thought—”
“I’ve got to go. I have to stop by the supermarket and get some food for the house.”
Bobbie Christmas, book editor, author of Write In Style: Use Your Computer to Improve Your Writing, and owner of Zebra Communications, will answer your questions, too. Send them to Bobbie@zebraeditor.com. Read more Ask the Book Doctor questions and answers at www.zebraeditor.com.
